#KeepItBrian

The deepest loss.

It's still true. No other loss in my life has compared to that of losing my husband Brian when he was 32. Cancer is a cruel and painful disease.

Every year, I wonder and worry what this day will hold for me. Usually it's a need to keep myself busy and distracted.

Brian was a bright and shining light in my life. We felt so lucky to have one another and that was evident in our relationship.  He was kind and fun, radiating joy. Even after his diagnosis, he focused on winning and always made the nurses and support staff smile and want to visit his room. 

When I think of overcoming battles, it's his courage that I reflect upon and draw strength from. He amazed me with his resilience throughout that battle.  Up until the last few hours of his life, when all the options were gone, he was determined to survive.

I wish you could have known him.  That's what I miss most; because he was a great person, he was kind, and he was funny. He made friends wherever he went. I know if you had met him, you would leave that meeting with a smile on your face.

So today, on his 42nd birthday, I hope you'll share a smile and a kind and uplifting word.  With your family, coworkers, friends, a stranger.

Keep it Brian.

Drowning

Since you’ve been gone, I’ve had to find different ways to grieve. There are days that I don’t even want it on my mind. But tonight I’m weak.

I looked at pictures, mostly the ones with you in them, and I laughed and cried a little reminiscing by myself. I can’t help that all I think about is how you were taken way too soon. It’s not the same here without you.

I know you’re in a better place, and one day I’ll see you again. But it’s killing me that we can’t be face to face. I miss my best friend.

Missing you comes in waves, and tonight I’m drowning.