Unstuck

This is how you get unstuck.

You reach.

Not so you can walk away from the husband you loved, but so you can live the life that is yours...the one that includes the sad loss of your husband, but is not arrested by it.

The one that eventually leads you to a place in which you not only grieve him, but also feel lucky to have had the privilege of loving him. That place of true healing is a fierce place.

It’s a giant place. It’s a place of monstrous beauty and endless dark and glimmering light. And you have to work really, really, really hard to get there, but you can do it.

I'm a woman who can travel that far. I know it. My ability to get there is evident in the life I've lead everyday since he died.

Year Four

As I mark the fourth anniversary of my husband's death this Monday (6 October) it always brings up so many emotions about what our future may have been. People have asked me over the years if I have “gotten over” his death.  I will never get over the loss, but I have reconciled myself to it.

That said, you probably wonder if I have been able to move forward with my life and how it’s even possible to do so? The simple answer is YES! I did find hope for my future and I did move forward with my life. Was it easy? Absolutely not. I took one day at a time, which turned into weeks, months, and now years.

Each year on the anniversary of his death, I do something meaningful (to me) to honor his death. This year, I want to honor his memory by making a donation in his name to an organization he loved. 

And I encourage you to do the same. 

His favorite charity was the Marine Corps Toys for Tots program. Contact your local representative, or log on to www.toysfortots.org and click on "in memory/in tribute" and donate in memory of Brian. 

Even in death, Brian has taught me so much. I’ve recently realized that he taught me something that most people do not know: to love deeply, honestly, and openly.

You'll need my address for TfT:

3240 W Sunset Ave  Eagleville, PA 19403

And my email:

kgo92278@gmail.com

What I've learned

If I've learned anything from life, it's that sometimes the darkest times can bring me to the brightest places. I've learned that the most toxic people can teach me the most important lessons; that my most painful struggles can grant me the most necessary growth; and that the most heartbreaking losses of friendship and love can make room for the most wonderful people. 

I've learned that what seems like a curse in the moment can actually be a blessing, and that what seems like the end of the road is actually just the discovery that I am meant to travel down a different path. 

I've learned that no matter how difficult things seem, there is always hope. And I've learned that no matter how powerless I feel or how horrible things seem, I can't give up. I have to keep going. 

Even when it's scary. Even when all of my strength seems gone. I have to keep picking myself up and move forward, because whatever I'm battling in the moment, it will pass, and I will make it through.  

I've made it this far. I can make it through whatever comes next.