Happy 5th Angel Day

Five years ago, Brian's heart beat for the last time. I thought mine did too.

This past weekend, I watched a movie called "The Fault In Our Stars"...about a girl with cancer who loves a boy with cancer...and he dies. I cried almost the entire movie.

I felt every single emotion I ever had when Brian died...all over again. Pain. Fear. Overwhelming sadness. Lonliness. Aloneness. Questions without answers. The void.

Why did I watch this movie? Why?!?! I wish someone had told me not to.

I've been dating someone for a little while now, and I've pretty much moved in with him. Paul came home from work and found me blubbering like a fool on the couch, realized what I was watching, sat down with me, and hugged me through my wave of sad.

Five years ago, I lost my love, the one whom my soul loved. I never, in a million lifetimes, thought I would be so lucky again with a love such as that. I am happy to say that I have found that again...with Paul.

I'm not sure I deserve him, or his love, but I am most certain Brian would approve. And I will do everything I can everyday to let him know how much I love and appreciate him.

Brian is with me...ALWAYS. And now, Paul is with me too.

I am doubly blessed on this 5th Angel Day.

Happy Anniversary #6

I'm dating again.

I'm with a man who loves me. The same feeling I had only once before is the same feeling I get with Paul.

I've dated since Brian died. I had a steady boyfriend for a year. But I never had this feeling with any of them. I never felt like THIS.

I've been given a second chance. I didn't think this would happen again for me.

There will always be a piece of my heart which belongs to Brian. He was a part of me. He taught me to love. And now, because of him, I can love again.

I will always love Brian. Now, six years later, I'm in love with Paul. And it's wonderful.

I think Brian would approve.