It's been three years

Three years ago, I said goodbye.

Three years ago, I lost my best friend, my love, my heart, my husband.

Three years ago, I said "I love you, Brian" for the last time.

Three years later, the burden of grief has been lifted. There are still days when I am incredibly, indescribably, sad.

But as the song goes, I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. It's not all rainbows and unicorns...I don't think it'll ever be that way for me again, because first love is blinding.

I have more sunny days, and sometimes I catch glimpses of what my life used to be when I'm off guard, or like now, when it's 4:30 AM and I've been awake for the last two hours.

I can smile at once was. I don't, for one second, regret the very short time I had with Brian. Perhaps it wasn't long enough, but it was enough.

Enough to teach me patience.

Enough to teach me kindness like I've never known before.

Enough to show me what humility, and courage, and strength looks like.

Enough to show me what love does and is and can be.

If I take away anything at all from the last three years, it will be that I loved him with everything that was in me.  And I will be forever grateful for having the chance to love and be loved.

Because Brian WAS love.