Forever young

Okay...okay...I know I'm far from what our society considers "old."

I'm 33...and had just turned 32 two weeks before Brian died. He was 32 when he died.

Even though I am not "old" I can't help but despise each year that passes without Brian. I remember when I surpassed him in age, and *gasp* I was a year older than him...

I will continue to get older, while he will stay forever young.

I look at photos from these last two years and see the new wrinkles and gray hair that he never saw. I look at photos and know that one day I will look far different than what I looked like when he was alive.

But as much as I despise old Father Time...and the wrinkles that come along with him...

I love knowing I have them from the smiles I've been able to have since his passing...the "are you serious!?" faces, the laugh til your face hurts, the sitting in the sun content smile...the squinting lines from all the moments I shed the layers of grief and loss from my being.

As Brandi Carlile sang her song "My Story":

"...All of these lines across my face tell you the story of who I am. So many stories of where I've been and how I got to where I am..."

So I'll embrace the lines, the stories and the wrinkles I will continue to create as I get older.