Original date 16 February 2012
I have been involved in an argument on facebook about "grief" today
(very mature, I know -there were some classic lines that I should keep
for "shit-people-say-to-widows"). But it actually turned out to be a
misunderstanding where the other person had confused grief with
depression.
To me, grief is something that I live with everyday.
It is simple: I miss Brian.I wish he was here. I feel sad about the loss
of the life we should have had. It makes me feel fearful and anxious at
times and at other times, it helps me to feel compassion and
understanding.
Talking about it here (and on facebook and letting
the demons out on my personal blog) has really helped me to learn to
live with it. It lives with me, it bites sometimes, but it no longer
controls me.
Depression is something very different. I have tasted
it. I have spent evenings wallowing in it. I have tried constructing
"exit plans" at two in the morning (which were destined to fail). I have
contemplated drinking myself into oblivion on more than one occasion.
I'm fairly sure most of us have felt depression's darkness at some
point. But I recovered from it.
I know I wont ever "recover" from grief...and I don't really want to. Grief is as much a part of my life as joy is.
The darkness and the light sit side by side.
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