alone

Original date 12 March 2011

I don't mind being alone.

I lived alone before I met Brian.  I did things on my own.  I traveled the world on my own.  I'm used to being alone.  I washed my own clothes.  I cooked my own dinner.  I slept alone.

But, things changed when I met Brian.  I belonged to something.  I belonged to someone.  I had someone to do things with, and to go places with and I wasn't alone anymore. I washed his underwear with mine.  We made dinner together.  We went to sleep at different times, but I knew that we slept in the same bed.

The part of me that belonged to someone else doesn't fit me anymore.  I'm irrevocably altered forever.  I can't go back to who I was before.  There's no changing the fact that a piece of me was ripped away.

I will heal, in time, but I will forever be missing pieces of me that I trusted to Brian to keep forever.  I can only assume he took them with him to Heaven because I can't find them here.