a string around my finger

Original date 1 June 2011

Dear God,

Thank you for Brian. Thank you for the chance at love. Thank you for the chance to give it, and to recieve it. They say it's better to have loved and lost than to not have loved at all. I get that now. I wouldn't trade my time with Brian for anything. He was Yours, and he was beautiful. Thanks for the reminder.

Thank you, Lord, for my friends, old and new. They remind me everyday that life is for living, to remember the past but don't dwell in it. They show me love and give me encouragement, and they tell me how strong I am in the face of adversity. Thanks for the reminder.

Thank you, Lord, for those who aren't my friend anymore. Thank you for their friendship when they offered it, and when I needed them, thank you for their abandonment, for it tells me why I don't like people in the first place and why I don't trust them. Thanks for the reminder.

Thank you, Lord, for Brian's sister Tiffany. She has been a dear friend to me and helps me let go of him without making me feel like I am forgetting him. She is a constant source of encouragement and laughter, and I thank You for her and I hope I have a lifetime friend in her. Thank you for reminding me.

Thank you also for Dave, Lord. He has been my rock for a long time and I truly don't know how I would be if he didn't steady me.  Thank you for bringing us together though we're miles apart we are still the best of friends. Thanks for the reminder.

Thank you, Lord, for the blessings You pour out on me everyday. Love is not a fight, but You remind us it's worth fighting for. I loved Brian, Lord. I fought for him...I fought You for him. Yes, I lost, but that reminded me that You loved him and wanted him so much more than I could ever dream of loving or wanting him.

And that's amazing.

So thank you Lord, for loving Brian and for keeping him safe in Your arms. Thank you for my friends.

Thank you for these reminders in the middle of the night.