letter to God

Original date 5 April 2011

Dear God,

Am I going to make it? 

So far, I am not sure how I am doing.  Being a widow was not in my game plan, but it must be in Yours for me.  Help me to be a good sport because right now I am not a team player. I don't want to do this anymore.  I don't want to play this game....I don't like the rules.

I am sad, lonely, and mad that I am here by myself.  You promised me that if I asked, I would receive.  Well, I didn't ask for me...I asked for Brian.  He was sick and You let him die.  You promised that You would give us what we needed.  I needed him, and You took him away from me.

I am tired of crying.  I am crying now because I am alone and I miss my husband.  I cried every night for a year worrying about his health.  I guess I am a big crybaby.  You promised to be a comfort to us when we needed You.  Well, I am in need of comfort, and I don't feel You here.

I want a good, happy life back.  I had a life I loved.  I don't like this new one.  This is the biggest, darkest void I have ever been in.  I need some light, some news, something to do.  You promised to lead us, to guide us, to show us the way.  I need a big flashlight or something because I sure can't see down in this hole You let me fall in.

I pray you have some ideas for me that will appear soon.  You know me, no patience.  The grief is gobbling me up and I need a big plate of courage.

I am counting on You to help me reach the final goal, that being a full life again.  The other final goal I hope is way off in the future.  I need time to get this right.

Sincerely,
Kimberly
P.S.  When you see Brian, tell him I love him still,  and I'm doing okay.