Friday, May 11, 2012

I am not an Olympian

Original date 14 March 2011

The days aren't too bad.  It's the nights and empty house that fill me with panic.  Not continuously, more in waves that come unexpectedly.  It's just so hard to believe that I won't hear Brian's voice again, or see him in another part of the house.

I am doing alright.  I eat, but the logic of "eating" only makes perfect sense when I'm with others.  It's what's expected.  Alone, with no spouse, with no wish to sit at the familiar table, it seems faintly repellent.  My favorite time is now sleeping, but it doesn't last long.

Yes, it is a physical and emotional test of endurance.  Grief is exhausting and requires the strength of an Olympic athlete.

Suffer, Kimberly.  Brian was worth it.

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